Sometimes， during my strongest moments… I do realize my feminine spirit and how it attracts and drawn people. I never want to believe it， because I have always sufferred from low self-esteem growing up. But, these days it’s a different story.
As I have grown stronger intrinsically， as I am able to appreciate and believe in myself and my worth… During the strongest days when I feel grounded and rooted in my spirit， I exude love，grace and kindness.
At these moments… I do receive cheeky glances with the most wondrous smiles.
I think I have mistaken these glances of appreciation with genuine interest and attraction.
But, I am not the only one who is wrong.
My boss has also mistaken this glance.
One time last week， I was sitting beside her at a work event when one of the doctors walked across and we both greeted each other.
When he left， she teased me and said; “I think he likes you.”
I said; “Noooooooooo… He’s just friendly!!!”
She said; “No. But he smiled at you more…” she deliberately put an emphasis on saying “you” to my face.
I felt uncomfortable at this comment and brushed her off;
“Stop teasing me， Immi!” I told her off.
Being an intuitively sensitive person， I do notice his glances every now and then when he comes to visit our office. But I refused to acknowledge this truth.
You know why?
Because that is how I fell for T.
He greeted me with the most sincere smiles in many occassions… And I felt drawn to him. It was a smile and a greeting that was kind and friendly， at a time when my world was dark and full of hurt and grief.
I need to gratefully accept these cute and cheeky glances that show their appreciation for my positive energy and spirit,,, and let it go. No further interpretation.
There is another thing I need to learn really well.
That is to believe that I am not lower than anyone else, no matter what their prestigous occupation or social status is.
I need to believe that I am just as valuable and interesting as the next doctor/lawyer/executive/business people. I need to treat them all the same, because this is how I can slowly learn to speak confidently, create interesting conversations at any occasions. Then, and only then, can I continue to create stronger, more wide-reaching relationship and friendship across humanity.
That is my ultimate goal for the new year.
Being attracted to T has revealed this important lesson for me. At times, I feel so small and unworthy. But I know this is only my ego talking. It doesn’t matter that he is an aspiring surgeon, at the very core, he is just like you and me. A human being with valuable intrinsic worth, speckled with his own quirkiness and imperfections. Just like you and me.
So don’t feel small, my love… I hear the Beloved whispered to my ear.
Because you are vast and deep and so full of love, there is no greater value than that.