n e w h e i g h t s

I did somethings this week that I have never done before.

Things were building up from my birthday weekend. I launched my lupus fundraiser to my family and friends… and donations started trickling in. I am still torn about making it officially public on social media platforms… I don’t know that I want that much attention drawn to me.

I started emptying my drafts folder and sent emails out to companies that produce or trade the goodies that I haave selected to be in my Lupus Care Pack.

I had a plan on my mind for a few weeks already, in regards to writing that email to Mr. T. I was going to send it out early Monday morning… but guess what happened?

What happened was that the lady who was supposed to cover for Lou, had to end up covering other jobs because we were super short-staffed… And I ended up carrying the torch. Work has been extremely busy this week… I have been exhausted in the morning, having migraines by the afternoon… luckily, I am still standing. One more day, then next week will be a short week to hopefully catch up on some rest.

So, consequently, this means that I have to closely deal with Mr.T on his bookings and medical administrations…

I was in a highly anxious state to say the least. Actually, I ended up having digestive problems Monday and Tuesday… Just starting to feel a bit better today.

I nearly chickened out…

But I don’t know why, I no longer am the same person after all the ordeals that I went through especially in the last 2 years.

I said; Fuck It! Let’s do this! The worst thing that can happen is that I embarrassed myself because he rejected the invitation for one reason or another. But he’s leaving soon anyway, so in a few months time he probably won’t remember much.

So, come Wednesday morning, I woke up… I still hesitated but I pressed the send button while closing my eyes, then quickly ran to have shower.

To my surprise, I felt a sense of calmness after I took action on something that has only, ever exist in my own head and imagination. It felt surreal waiting for that reply back….. because it was as if my mind didn’t care anymore. My ego was silent as soon as I sent the email to T.

I think it was so shocked that I had done something that I’ve always been so scared of doing. This is literally the first time I have ever asked a man out!!!!!!!

To further my surprise, if finding that his reply was a positive one.

I still don’t know whether we will be catching up. He had suggested to meet up for coffee next week because he’s super busy with work and exam on the weekend… but unfortunately, my week next week is not looking good. My beloved brother is visiting from Indonesia from 26th, the Saturday is Chinese New Year, so we normally have family time…and on Sunday, my sister has already booked us an event to go to. I informed him of this yesterday night,,, so we might not find a suitable spot.

I said, I left the ball in his court. He can decide.

It’ll be interesting to learn what his reply would be.

It could still go either way. But of course, I would be more than grateful if we could just meet once. I really am curious about his story…

So, for the whole day today, his name keeps popping up whenever I read articles, letters, stories on the websites… He’s haunting me again… haha.

I am so blessed to made it this far… Whatever good outcomes that come my way would just be a bonus. If it’s not a good outcome, then at least I have learned something new and conquer new fears. And, mostly, I also have spoken everything that I needed and wanted to tell him.

 

Never let any words left unsaid.

 

By late afternoon yesterday, I received a reply from one of the companies I have contacted… and lo’ and behold,,, the lady also has been living with Lupus for 35 years!!!!!!

 

I think I am getting warmer at becoming authentically me. Following every desires and urges,,, even when they scared me shitless,,, is actually quite liberating once you’ve actioned it.

There are a lot of things to look forward to, even when the outcomes might not be what I wish for.

 

Give me strength.

 

has been my mantra now, almost every morning when I have to start my day…

 

 

 

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